she is the kim kardashian of front butts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
