I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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