I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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