the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So much rum. So many feels.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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