I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
