Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this just has baby written all over it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
