If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
