Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
