Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i believe in u and ur pee
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