He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
