i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
