I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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