you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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