Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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