Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
