So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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