I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
