To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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