She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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