the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
