She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
