My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
