how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
