I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
