His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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