do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
