I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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