So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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