the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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