some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
