I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
