Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You dont lie about slip and slides
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
