Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
