he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
