Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
