i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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