I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
