Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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