Slut skills are useful in every country.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
