My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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