Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
