One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
