Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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