It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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