Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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