To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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