You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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