I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
