you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
