fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
