Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
