I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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