well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I could make wine with my vomit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
