ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
