we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
