i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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