I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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