i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
