Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
