If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Of course I have a pirate flag
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
