She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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