I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
