I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Randomize